In my travels about the web trying to find what the “official” attachment parenting stance is on television, I came upon this charming site.
Anyway, the site goes on about how you’re supposed to shop for a king-sized bed as soon as you find out you’re pregnant with #2 (too bad if your bedroom can barely fit a queen-sized bed, like ours), nurturing around the clock is important (um, I can play loud music around Otto and he won’t wake up, how is he going to realize I’m nurturing him if he’s that dead to the world?), daycare is not as beneficial for a child as having a parent around, but if you’re a single parent then it’s okay (I hate this argument), how blankets and stuffed animals and cribs are mother substitutes and should be avoided (*you* try putting Otto to sleep without his blankie and piggy. Go ahead, I’ll wait here).
And so on and so forth.
Our author ends this with the following promising language: “There is no one right way to parent all children. No one else is going to parent just the way you do because no one else has your children. ……However, if you choose not to breastfeed, you are comfortable with spanking your kids, and you truly believe that babies should "cry it out" at bedtime, then you probably aren't going to find that my parenting philosophy, or anything resembling Attachment Parenting, will fit in with your beliefs.
Why do all attachment parents believe that those who formula feed and let their kids CIO also spank? Are they the Triple Entente of Non-AP or something?
Anyway, that’s all well and good, she acknowledges that there are people out there who do not follow her parenting philosophy….
“I would encourage those of you that fit that description to read more about the many benefits of a nurturing parenting style.”
…..but they’re wrong, of course.
My point? Um, good question. I think it’s something like this. I, too, am an “instinctive parent”, like all attachment parents insist they are. My instincts tell me that it is not necessarily a good thing to wear your child like a sweater all the time. My instincts tell me that if your child falls asleep and stays asleep, it doesn’t matter if he/she’s in your bed or in a crib or on a hardwood floor, and if having your child sleep with you means that you don’t get any sleep, then maybe it’s not necessarily the best thing. My instincts tell me that sometimes babies cry for NO reason and they probably don’t necessarily appreciate having Mommy trying to jam a breast in their face every single time they cry.
So there.
Hmm…..the website is for sale, all content included…..$500.00. Maybe I should start a telethon.
I think I said before that Whitney's going to have the lion's share of commentary in this blog, but this is one issue where I'm roused out of my usual lethargy.
Before I was pregnant with my daughter, I was taking Effexor -- and toward the closing months of the pregnancy, the issue was raised as to whether I wanted to take it up again after she was born. Given the colossal stress I was going through during the pregnancy and a pretty logical fear of post-partum depression, I said yes.
Whenever I go on a new prescription drug, I research it online and fly it past my husband since he's a pharmaceutical chemist. One thing I've learned over my years of happy-pill taking is that most of the current breed of psychotropics are relatively new to research and to the marketplace, and that nearly none of them have been subject to comprehensive study in patients under 18, much less patients under 2. To me, that equals this: If I have a third arm growing out of my back in 30 years, fine. If my child has one growing out of *hers* because of my meds, not fine.
Anyway. When I decided to start up with Effexor again, that closed the door to breastfeeding as far as I was concerned. There was one nurse on my maternity ward who tried to get me to change my mind. She busted out a copy of Dr. Hale's book and looked up Effexor. At the time, Hale gave it a "B" for risk. "See, it's okay!" she sang. Meanwhile, I was thinking there are two, if not three, levels of acceptability above a B. Reading more closely, all he said was that it hadn't been proven that Effexor had adverse effects on infants. To me, that's like the shoe salesman in the 1940's saying it's okay to put your feet in the x-ray machine. Or the factory boss in the early 1900s saying it's okay to use radioactive paint (and lick the brush) to make glow-in-the-dark clocks.
We don't really know much about the latest round of psychotropics. We kind of understand the mechanics, we observe the side effects in adults, but we are still incredibly far away from predicting what will work for who -- and given that most of these drugs have been on the market for 15 years or in some cases considerably less, we still know relatively little about long-term effects.
As a diagnosed clinical depressive, I'm willing to assume those risks so that I can function on a daily basis. I'm not willing to gamble on my daughter, and I'm not convinced that the benefits of breast milk outweigh ramifications of which I am 0% unaware. For all I know, Zoloft will make me drop over dead someday. I can live with that. I wouldn't be able to live with that happening to her, ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE AVAILABLE.
I hemmed and hawed with that nurse -- for all I knew, she'd be the one in the delivery room with me. But after I filled out the paperwork on admission and it was obvious that I was not choosing breastfeeding, she avoided me. My hospital put big splashy cards on the bassinets of babies who were being breast-fed. Had I been wired another way, it might have offended me. I feel for women in my shoes who ARE wired like that.
Do what you want, militant breastfeeders -- it's your choice. But assuring someone that taking a psychotropic and breastfeeding has been proven to be safe is a LIE. You wouldn't give Effexor to a newborn? Well, if you're breastfeeding and taking Effexor, or Paxil, or even Zoloft, you are.
Okay, I'm out for probably another six months until some other topic comes up that I can get all worked up about.
It just occured to me that Dr. Thomas Hale, King of Breastmilk and Medication Cocktails, is a man.
(Yes, it occured to me before that, but bear with me.)
He will never breastfeed. He will never personally have to worry if the medication HE is taking will affect HIS child.
I've been thinking lately about the combination of medications and breastmilk lately. I am of the mindset that "why would I subject my child to a medication through breastmilk that no one really knows the long-term effects, when there's formula that's been around for thirty plus years and the long term effects are fine?"
Then, of course, everyone brings up the Great God Almighty Thomas Hale, King of Breastmilk and Medication Cocktails. Y'know how many kids he based his findings on Paxil about? Eight. There are more kids in my son's day care class. Celexa? "Use with caution". Prozac? Only tested on children under two months. And let's not even talk about lithium and valium.
I really wonder about pro-breastfeeding websites, like Militant Breastfeeders' Cult. Are they so hyped up about getting women to breastfeed that they'll gloss over the possible negatives? Example: this quote from
"The following frequently used drugs are also generally safe during breastfeeding: .................tricyclic antidepressant medications, sertraline (Zoloft), paroxetine (Paxil), other antidepressants."
But wait! (flip flip flip) Dr. Hale says that the long term effects of tricyclic antidepressants are unknown! And what if some mother thinks "oh, my valium will be fine for me to take, it's an 'other antidepressant'", Bingo, Bango, Bongo and Irving, the kid's screwed up!
Or here, under "myths of breastfeeding" : There are very very few medicines that a mother cannot take safely while breastfeeding. A very small amount of most medicines appears in the milk, but usually in such small quantities that there is no concern. If a medicine is truly of concern, there are usually equally effective, alternative medicines which are safe.
Um, you can spend months, if not years, trying to find the right antidepressant. "Usually" does not always equal "always".
LLL's stance seems to be "okay, the AAP says that antidepressants' effects on infants aren't known at this point and can be cause for concern. We'll listen and suggest options, but you have to make your own decision."
which I suppose I can deal with.
On the one hand, he did get all those antibodies from his mom, all the wonderful mother/son bonding, the higher IQ.
On the other hand, he's dead.